There is a tree in my yard. It's Henry's tree because my brother planted for Henry. It's a maple and Alan planted it as a tiny sapling. At the time it didn't look like much in our yard. But now it's gotten much bigger and it's kinda in my way.
As I was mowing under this tree last week, struggling against the branches that are not small enough to go around and not high enough to go under, I was also pondering parenthood. Like this tree, my kids are not small enough anymore to be easily portable and compliant. And they aren't yet mature enough to completely take care of themselves. They (the tree and my kids) are in the in-between years.
I'll admit to rolling my eyes and grumbling as I lifted branches to get the mower underneath the tree. it's a hard job. I have to hold the branches with one hand and push the mower with the other. Then I have to move around slightly and do it again from another angle. I need to get all the grass underneath the tree so that the tree can grow properly. I don't want stuff in its way, competing for resources.
When the tree was smaller, I could just zip around it. It was not in my way at all. I could easily walk all the way around without worrying that I would bump into branches. I did have to be careful not to bump into the trunk which was only about an inch or two in diameter.
Someday this tree will be big and tall. We will be able to walk under the branches and seek shade under its leaves. There won't be as much to do in order to care for it. It will be nice to picnic under, or climb. In the future, this tree in my yard will provide many fun things for my family.
Right now, in the in-between times, its not as easy to care for as it once was. And its not ready to provide benefits for me. It's just in-between. Needing care; getting in my way on occasion. Growing.
And my kids? They're in the same space: in-between. They aren't as easy as they once were. I can't just bundle them into a car carrier and take off. They get in my way on occasion. They aren't ready to be providing many tangible benefits to me (like mowing the grass!)
As I look at this tree in my annoyance, I see the majestic maple it will become. I understand that the care I give now will have an impact on the tree it will someday be. But more importantly, I look at my kids now and look past my minor annoyances. I can see the teens, young adults, and adults they will become. I'm not in a hurry. I just need to remind myself that the care I give now will have major impact on the majesty they will become. We just have to go through the in-betweens first.
 <--Tweet This: I'm not in a hurry. I just need to remind myself that the care I give now will have major impact on the majesty they will become.How are you at navigating the in-betweens?
Aw, I love how you compared the two and am with you on the in-between right now, but still know someday I will miss this stage still yet.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely stuck in the in-betweens right now. Especially with my son. I needed this post today! Thanks Rabia!
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, I know how you feel! My two are definitely In-Between. What a lovely post, Rabia!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a mom, but I'm dating someone who has kids in these in between years. It's so much fun! And also SO challenging.
ReplyDeleteYup, I have some in-betweens. It can be difficult. Thank goodness for chocolate.
ReplyDeleteRabia this is a fabulous analogy and I can hear your actual voice saying this as I read it! Thank you! Yes the in between years can be tough, but in the end it will be worth it.
ReplyDeleteA perfect way of describing it! Our oldest turns 7 next month (but she's going on 17, I think), and I can feel how we're getting to this stage that's hard to categorize. She's still dependent on us for so much, but she is fiercely independent, especially as the oldest. I can see though, how strong, how driven, how fantastic she will be as an adult though, and she is growing in her own beautiful way. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteA beautiful comparison, Rabia. I think we parents are also like that oak - not quite majestic as we try and grow and become something great, and often, in the way. But from the most humble beginnings mighty things grow.
ReplyDeleteThis is just wonderful! What a lovely comparison. I, too, am in the in-betweens <3
ReplyDeletePerfect analogy. The in-betweens. I was talking to a mother today with two in-betweens, and guess what? That's why a third baby came to that family! Seriously.
ReplyDeleteIt's kinda amazing.
Ok, before reading Tamara's comment I already said "perfect analogy" in my head! Ahahaha. I love this!
ReplyDeleteHi Rabia, love the comparison between your tree and children growing up. Yesterday was my Mums birthday and it was the first time that I felt the benefits of my daughters help in the kitchen preparing food for a barbecue to celebrate. She may just be coming out of the in between stage!
ReplyDeleteAs is fitting for a stage of in-betweens, we seem to flit in and out of it. Some days they are so self-sufficient, some days they need me for everything.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rea! It worked for me as I was mowing and thinking deep thoughts.
ReplyDeleteLOL! I'm seeing the benefits of outgrowing the baby/toddler stage completely. I'd be okay to not go through that stage again.
ReplyDeleteIt can last a while, can't it? But it's a nice place to be in.
ReplyDeleteSo true, Eli. We are all growing and changing, which is much better than the stagnant alternative.
ReplyDeleteI love seeing glimpses of the adults they will become. It's just so neat to witness!
ReplyDeleteTotally worth it! I'm so proud of who they are becoming.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Chocolate helps a lot of things, doesn't it!
ReplyDeleteYou're right! Fun and challenging; and you never really know which one you'll get!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ginny! It has it's trials, but it's a fun stage to be in.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it helped in some small way, Echo. On the hard days, I have to remind myself that it gets better.
ReplyDeleteHindsight makes most things look easier, doesn't it!
ReplyDelete