How to Pick Up Your Kids After School in 50 Easy Steps

How to Pick Up Your Kids After School in 50 Easy Steps

1. Get off work and drive to after-school program while mentally preparing dinner so you can hit the ground running when you get home.

2. Enter building and sign kids out.

3. Smile as other kids start yelling "Your mom is here! Time to go!"

4. Approach younger child's teacher to chat about his day.

5. Make eye contact and let child know you'll be leaving soon.

6. Finish conversation with first teacher.

7. Watch another family arrive and leave within span of 5 minutes.

8. Argue with first child about putting on coat because he's already "too hot!"

9. Leave child 1 to get his backpack on and approach child 2.

10. Tell child 2 it's time to leave.

11. Turn around to see child 1 back to playing with friends.

12. Wave at child 2's teacher while praying she doesn't have a bad report.

13. Go back to child 1 to collect backpack and coat.

14. Watch child 2 approaching you.

15. Watch child 2 realize he forgot his hat.

16. Watch a family of three pack up and leave.

17. Get child 1's coat back on and head toward door.

18. Listen as child 2 runs back to his class and makes a request to his teacher to pick out a book to take home.

19. Allow child 1 to sit on bench outside because he's "soooo hot!"

20. Stand in position to monitor both children at same time.

21. Contemplate which parts of dinner you may have to now skip with your limited time.

22. Glance toward child 2 as he selects book and starts walking toward you.

23. Check on child 1 on bench. All is well.

24. Turn back to see child 2 talking and laughing with friends again. Yell and gesture for him to hurry up.

25. Walk into lobby with child 2 just as child 1 comes back inside and removes coat, hat, gloves, and backpack so he can go to the bathroom.

26. Try to catch child 2 before he goes back to say something to his friend while he's waiting for his brother.

27. Stand awkwardly in lobby area, outside boys' bathroom.

28. Contemplate how much of your life you spend waiting outside the boys' bathroom and whether that is creepy.

29. Hear child 1 flush and call to child 2 to come back.

30. Watch child 1 exit bathroom. Cringe as the the words "Did you wash your hands?" come out of your mouth before you can stop them.

31. Watch harried mother walk in, hug and kiss her smiling children, and leave.

32. Turn around to watch child 2 do a U-turn as child 1 goes back into bathroom.

33. Yell, "I'm leaving!"

34. Watch as nothing occurs.

35. Help child 1 put his coat and backpack on again.

36. Walk back to child 2 and tell him "We're leaving NOW!"

37. Walk out towards lobby.

38. Turn around to check if child 2 is following.

39. Yell, "Goodbye!"

40. Observe child 2 grabbing backpack and running towards lobby.

41. Walk outside. Finally!

42. Walk determinedly towards vehicle as both boys frolic in the snow outside child care center.

43. Get in van and start engine.

44. Buckle self.

45. Ask boys to shut van door.

46. Referee argument about who's turn it is to shut the door.

47. Unbuckle and get out to shut door because van is "on a hill!" and the boys can't do it.

48. Check mirrors and begin departure from parking lot.

49. Cringe as child 2 says, "I think I left my violin!"

50. Cry as you drive home and modify dinner plans again to account for the five minutes you now have to prepare it.

The Truth in a Mirror

STOP IT!! YOU ARE MAKING ME MAD!

WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A JERK?!

GIVE IT BACK RIGHT NOW, OR ELSE!

As a parent, it's hard to listen to your kids fight. It's even harder when they fight with words and phrases that you know they learned from you. It hurts to listen to. It makes me feel horrible. And it's a wake up call.

Don't get me wrong. My kids get lots of wonderful things from me too: their zany sense of humor, their generosity, their good looks. There are many days when I am exceptionally proud of them and I want to take credit for all the good they do in the world.

Then there are days that things go wrong. We get off track and things start to spiral out of control. I yell. They yell. Everybody yells. The things they say; the tone of their voices; the looks on their faces: it's like a mirror sometimes. I'm looking at myself and I hate what I see. They reflect me so perfectly and I am ashamed at what I've taught them.

If I take credit for the good, sweet things, then it's only fair to take responsibility for the bad, right? Parenting changes you in a lot of ways. It gives you hope for the future and fills your heart with love. It also challenges you to be a better person. Especially when your deficits are so glaringly obvious.

I'm not throwing a pity party. I know I'm not a bad mom. However, I also know that I have lots of less-than-stellar mom moments. I'm learning that how I handle myself after a blow up is one more thing they are watching.

I'm reminding myself to apologize to them when I've been wrong or acted badly. I'm talking to them about tempers and actions and how we should treat other people. I've got one kid who is brave enough to call me out when I'm being a hypocrite. And that is more humbling than I ever imagined. It's also a great teachable moment. Because the reason he can call me out is because he sees the mirror. He's got that much figured out early.

This morning he got mad at me when I was trying to help him get ready for school. They've got themed Fridays and I thought today was "cowboy day." He knew it wasn't, but he didn't know what day it actually was. "You're just making it worse!" he yelled. "I'm just trying to help!" I yelled back. And then we went to our separate corners for a minute.

"You are being rude to me when I am just trying to help you get ready." I said more calmly.

He waits. He gets dressed (in a shirt with words for "read my shirt day.") He goes to the bathroom. He comes to my room.

"I'm sorry I was rude to you this morning." His contrite little face tells me he really is sorry. And it tells me that he wants to fix things.

"Thank you for apologizing." And then a hug. Because we both needed one. And now we can both go on with our day in a much more peaceful manner.

The thing about mirrors is that they show us an accurate reflection of ourselves. And if what we see doesn't make us proud, then it's up to us to change it.  My mirrors will go out into the world on their own some day. The things they do will be a reflection of me and I want it to be a good one.

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. This week’s sentence is “When I look in a mirror…”
Your hosts: Kristi, at FindingNine.com and this week’s sentence thinker-upper, April of April Noelle.

Being a Purposeful Parent

This is a sponsored post that may contain affiliate links.

I love kids. I've babysat. I've taught in the public schools. I taught in private pre-schools. I've taught Sunday School for kids from age 3 all the way through high school.  I've even subbed in some kinda scary classrooms where there was a one-to-one ratio of students to teachers and a "cool down room" where one little girl could go when her anger got so out of control she starting kicking and throwing things. I actually enjoyed that assignment. And you know what? The first day was the only really scary one (that's the day a student heaved a desk across the room). The second day I came in, the kids looked at me funny. They were very well behaved and they did their assignments nicely. There were no outbursts that day. I wondered what was going on and then one of the kids leaned over and whispered, "Why'd you come back?"

In speaking with the teacher afterwards, it seems that not many subs come back. The kids do a pretty good job of scaring them away. The kids in that classroom were dealing with some pretty heavy stuff. Severe cognitive delays combined with a history of abuse for a few of them. It's not surprising that they don't trust very many adults. It's easier to push the adults away before they have the chance to push you away, right?

Much of my experience with kids occurred before I have children of my own. I always had a picture in my head of the three perfect little angels I would birth. No shouting or bribing would come out of my mouth! I would not be that parent at the grocery store trying to calm a screaming child who wanted candy. And there was no way my little ones would disturb another family's meal at a restaurant.

I was a perfect parent. Before I actually became one, that is! Beginning on October 5, 2003, however, my dream of a perfect parenthood began to dissolve. Not because Frances was a bad kid. She was actually fairly easy, especially for the first. But I very quickly realized that parenting was a lot more work than I had imagined. And juggling work and family was not quite what I had expected.

Fast forward 12 years, and I am always on the lookout for ways to improve my parenting skills. I've talked a lot here about trying to yell less. We have failed chore charts documented online. If eye-rolls were nickels, I'd be rich! But I'm still committed to being the best mom I can be. That's why I was excited to read Nina Garcia's new book, Parenting with Purpose.

I've read Nina's blog, SleepingShouldBeEasy.com, for a while now. The catchy title drew me in, but her very gentle approach to parenting is what has kept me coming back. Better than just being gentle, though, Nina is real about her parenting. She has documented her struggles (she's got toddler twins, trust me, there are struggles!) and offered her bad days up in order to help others who are going through similar trials.

Her book is a continuation of her blog and a great resource for parents. Many of the things she says are things that I know, but have trouble putting into practice regularly. Knowing the right actions is very different from actually doing them when the going gets tough.

She had me right at the beginning when she wrote

Let's get to the real definition of discipline: discipline is teaching our kids. Because isn't that what parenting really is? Our job is to arm them with the skills they need and would serve them well in the future so they grow into kind adults who can regulate emotions or empathize with others.

Parenting with Purpose takes you right back to the basics and encourages you to look at and remember the simple things: these are your precious children. As parents, our job is to guide our children into adulthood. We are the primary teachers of our offspring and those teachings come from every part of us. It's not just what we tell them that they hear. Actually, the words we say out loud are often ignored. Most of our teaching comes from what we do and how we treat them.

I've been sick this week. Being sick makes everything else harder to do, parenting included. I took a day off from work to help my body recover. I spent much of the day reading Nina's book to help my mind recover. There's been a lot of yelling this week, from both "teams." But when I sit back and reflect, the kids have been treating me and each other in much the same way that I've been treating them. We've all been rude and on edge with each other. We've all had short tempers. I'm the only one who's sick, but we're all acting that way. Because I am the role model and they follow my cues.

That doesn't mean that I can't ever be sick, but it does mean that when I'm sick, I need to try a little harder to not show it and I also need to be more forgiving of myself and them. No one has it all together all the time. Parenting mistakes are made every day. The important part is to look at those mistakes, learn from them, and move forward, better armed with knowledge and experience.

Nina concludes her book with 20 actionable items you can do to better connect with your kids. They are simple and straightforward things to do; habits you can create within yourself for the betterment of your family. This book won't make your parenting gig easy, but it will make your parenting more purposeful, and that will improve things immensely.

Parenting with Purpose is a great book for taking a look at your own parenting practices to affirm what you're doing correctly and to look more closely at your problem areas. It's also available for FREE on Amazon for Kindle right now, so if you want to take a look, now's the time to do it!

I received compensation (free items and/or cash) in exchange for writing this review.
Although this post is sponsored, all opinions are my own.This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission should you choose to click through and purchase something. Your purchase price is not affected.
Please see my disclosure policy for more information.

Parenting is a Barrel of Laughs...and a Pile of Laundry

Parenting is hard work! Some days all you can do is sit back and laugh. Or make funny memes. So last week I did and apparently I wasn't the only one to find it funny. It's reached 335,000 people and I keep getting new notifications for it every day! I'm not normally a braggy person, but this is one I want to memorialize!

 It was also featured in the Mom Babble round up of funny parenting memes this week and the Today Show's Funniest Parents on Facebook.  Check them out if you're looking for some more humor.

If you're here because of either of those two articles, welcome! I can't guarantee I'll be that funny all the time, but I hope you enjoy what you find here. Make sure to check out my Facebook page for other parenting-related stuff.

You can also tell me if you relate to this graph about homework. It seems the bigger the assignment,the later the tell me about it. Does that happen at your house too??

Holding on to the Past and Embracing the Future

It's a scary thing when your kids start to become independent. I mean, I'll be honest, I've been anxiously awaiting the day I no longer have to remind someone to change underpants or brush teeth, but when it starts to happen I also start to panic. What happens when I have no one else to nag?! I guess there's always Ken, right?

Frances and Henry have been having a great time with summer camps so far. Frances has been spending a lot of time with her new best friend, D. Her mother and I knew each other slightly before the two girls started becoming friends, and now we are communicating much more often.

D's mom has been doing the pick-up/drop-off for camp this week because it's closer to her office than mine. Yesterday Frances went home with D for a little while after camp. It was a spur of the moment thing and it wasn't until afterwards that I realized there's no more car seat exchange when people drive her around. I didn't need to give directions to my house for after because Frances can do that herself. She's growing up right before my eyes, but unless I make myself look closely, even I might not see it!!

Henry has been gone for two weeks. First at his overnight camp, and then for a week with my parents. He was home for about 40 hours in between and 16 of those hours he was asleep. I can talk to him on the phone while he's gone, but I still miss him. And he doesn't cry and say he misses me. I'm glad that he's having such a great time. I'm proud that he sure enough of himself to go on new adventures without me. But he's growing up too.

Benjamin and I had a conversation in the van this week. I told him that he wouldn't be able to take his babies (stuffed animals) with him to Kindergarten. He was a little bit sad about that, and so was I. He's been carting around his menagerie for three years now! I also told him he wouldn't have to take naps anymore. He started to get a big grin on his face, but then he stopped and said, "Wait! Are naps good for your health?" What five year old talks like that?! Mine does. When did he get so concerned about his health?!

This is the most recent picture I have of all three kids together!

This has been a great summer. We may not have gotten much of our summer bucket list done, but we've grown in other ways and had a ton of fun. As a family, we are really growing out of the needy toddler/preschool stage and moving on. It's a little bit sad, but I'm looking forward to embracing this new stage. I just wish I knew how to hold on to the past while also welcoming the future.

This has been a Finish the Sentence Friday post. Today’s sentence is “I wish I knew…”
Host: Kristi Campbell from Finding Ninee.
Co-hosts: Mardra from Mardra Sikora and Jill from Ripped Jeans and Bifocals

Beyond the Diaper Bag: A Parenting Survival Kit

Back when I first had kids, the diaper bag was my lifeline. It had everything in there I could possibly need to get through the day. And if you are loose with your definition of “kitchen sink” you could even count the wet wipes to check off that requirement.

These days my kids are older and I relish the fact that we can just pick up and go. I don’t need 3 days’ supply of fruit puffs, a change of clothes, and a backup change of clothes just to walk around the block. However, I have come up empty on a few emergency supplies lately and I’m thinking I need to pack a different kind of bag for this newer stage of parenting.

Just like the diaper bag rules you’ve likely forgotten at this point, if you use something, replace it immediately. Murphy is watching out for that sort of rookie slip up and it’s the surest way to get yourself in trouble.

The Parenting Survival Kit 

Extra cash in small bills 

My son lost two teeth recently and both times I found myself scrambling for money to pay the tooth fairy. I may or may not have told him that the tooth fairy wouldn’t come if she caught him being mean to his brother. It bought me some time, but I may have extra therapy to pay for in the future! This extra cash will also come in handy when you have a field trip sprung on you at the last minute. My youngest son’s day care has been having fun with all sorts of walking field trips this summer and each time they only ask for a dollar or two. Sure, I could write a check, but that’s a tad embarrassing. Plus it’s a hassle for the teachers.

White t-shirts in appropriate sizes 

Each camp my kids have been to this summer have had all kind of pre-registration paperwork to fill out. Then I pick my kids up the first day of camp and get a notice about bringing a shirt to decorate the next day. #1, who has time to go out after work and buy white t-shirts in all these sizes. #2, even when I have had time, every other parent in town is doing the same thing. There are no more white t-shirts left!! 

Family photos 

It usually hits around the first week or two of school. The teacher sends home a note about some “getting to know you” project the kids will be doing and the kid needs to bring in a picture of himself/family/summer vacation/etc. I take lots of pictures of my kids, but I don’t ever print them! Unless you want the framed 8x10 glossy that’s hanging on the wall, and on second thought, I don’t want you gluing that to a paper bag!

A Pack of Gum 

We had a rule in my house that you couldn’t chew gum until you were five. My kids obeyed that rule like the Gospel! Now it’s nice to have around, especially on long car trips. We have inner ear issues in the family, so the kids like to chew gum to help equalize the pressure in their ears. Gum also helps to keep them quiet; if they’re chewing they aren’t fighting with each other or asking “are we there yet?” 

“Personal” Items 

You’ll want to be prepared for the changes in your kids that sneak up on you. Don’t be like me and spend three days wondering what that smell is! It’s your kid and puberty has reared its ugly head. At this point in parenting, it’s a good idea to have some deodorant readily available just in case. Add a razor and some acne cream too. You might also want some panty liners or thin pads if you’re a girl mom.

Cupcake/Cookie Mix 

Every parent’s worst nightmare! The dreaded bedtime request for cupcakes or cookies at school the next day. If I keep a box of cupcake or brownie mix stashed away, I might have time to get them made by morning, but there’s no way I’m going out after bedtime to buy ingredients at the grocery store! Bonus points if you can find a mix that tastes good and only requires you to add water, because we all know these requests only come in the day after you run out of eggs. 

Gift Cards/Stationery/Birthday Gifts 

Somehow birthdays and other occasions seem to sneak up on me. I often find myself wishing for a nice gift certificate and birthday card that I can just sign a little note on and check it off my list. Besides, there’s only so many times I feel like repeating, “We’re only here to buy a present for Sally; NOTHING ELSE” before it loses its luster (amid the $100 worth of other stuff we had to get at Target)! What I wouldn’t give for a few generic gifts suitable for a boy or a girl ages 5-15 just laying around the house!

A trashy book and a bottle of wine 

If all else fails and you don’t get any of these other items stashed away before you need them, at least find a good hiding space for a book with a shirtless guy on the cover and a bottle of wine. You’ll need them after you scramble to take care of one of these other emergencies!

  What's in your parenting survival kit? Did I forget anything? Please let me know before I have to break out this book and a wine glass!

16 Things to do After the Kids go to Bed

Let's all raise a glass to bedtime! That glorious time of day (night?) when the kids are settled in and you finally get some time to yourself. What do you choose to do after bedtime? Here are some ideas:

• binge watch your favorite TV show
• have a glass of wine
• fold a load of laundry (or two...or three)
• eat the dessert you didn't want to share with the kids
• read a book that has a cover you can't let them see
• empty the dishwasher
• take a bath without any toys in it
• heavy petting on the couch
• trim your fingernails
• update your Facebook status about how wonderful your day was
• put the kids back to bed
• play Candy Crush
• even up your eyebrows
• pick up toys
• pass out on the couch
• go to bed

What do you do after the kids have gone to bed?

Feel free to use any combination of the above! Any other suggestions?

This post was part of the One Word Blog Linkup hosted by, Janine of Confessions of a Mommyholic and Lisa of The Golden Spoons!

The In-Betweens

There is a tree in my yard. It's Henry's tree because my brother planted for Henry. It's a maple and Alan planted it as a tiny sapling. At the time it didn't look like much in our yard. But now it's gotten much bigger and it's kinda in my way.

As I was mowing under this tree last week, struggling against the branches that are not small enough to go around and not high enough to go under, I was also pondering parenthood. Like this tree, my kids are not small enough anymore to be easily portable and compliant. And they aren't yet mature enough to completely take care of themselves. They (the tree and my kids) are in the in-between years.

I'll admit to rolling my eyes and grumbling as I lifted branches to get the mower underneath the tree. it's a hard job. I have to hold the branches with one hand and push the mower with the other. Then I have to move around slightly and do it again from another angle. I need to get all the grass underneath the tree so that the tree can grow properly. I don't want stuff in its way, competing for resources.

When the tree was smaller, I could just zip around it. It was not in my way at all. I could easily walk all the way around without worrying that I would bump into branches. I did have to be careful not to bump into the trunk which was only about an inch or two in diameter.

Someday this tree will be big and tall. We will be able to walk under the branches and seek shade under its leaves. There won't be as much to do in order to care for it. It will be nice to picnic under, or climb. In the future, this tree in my yard will provide many fun things for my family.

Right now, in the in-between times, its not as easy to care for as it once was. And its not ready to provide benefits for me. It's just in-between. Needing care; getting in my way on occasion. Growing.

And my kids? They're in the same space: in-between. They aren't as easy as they once were. I can't just bundle them into a car carrier and take off. They get in my way on occasion. They aren't ready to be providing many tangible benefits to me (like mowing the grass!)

As I look at this tree in my annoyance, I see the majestic maple it will become. I understand that the care I give now will have an impact on the tree it will someday be. But more importantly, I look at my kids now and look past my minor annoyances. I can see the teens, young adults, and adults they will become. I'm not in a hurry. I just need to remind myself that the care I give now will have major impact on the majesty they will become. We just have to go through the in-betweens first.

Tweet

 <--Tweet This: I'm not in a hurry. I just need to remind myself that the care I give now will have major impact on the majesty they will become.

How are you at navigating the in-betweens?

 

Put Your Listening Ears On

I'm hosting my very first guest-poster here today, and I'm so excited because not only is Alysia awesome; she's someone I have the privilege of knowing in real life! She's a wife, a mom, and a socially conscious people-advocate. And she's got a great point here:

I tell my 4-year-old kiddo all. the. time. to put her listening ears on. Screening out what they don’t want to hear is a skill that preschoolers are particularly adept at. I know the author of this lovely blog, Rabia, is quite familiar with this pint-sized skill set as well. All parents are. 

To be honest, though, all of us could stand to improve our listening skills. A lot of ink has been spilled about how Americans are living distracted lives, too caught up in work and family obligations, as well as in isolating words on little, tiny, glowing screens, to be present in the moment. Apparently most grown folks don’t listen very well either. 

One of my favorite not-listening stories happened to me a number of years ago. My hubby, Mike, and I were driving somewhere. It was a mini-road trip, probably to visit some relative, and we were in the car together for a few hours (this was pre-kiddo and pre-iPhone, so maybe mommy brain and smart phones aren’t the sole culprits behind bad listening skills after all...). Mike was reading a newspaper, and he occasionally read aloud stories that he found interesting. Flash forward a few hours. We’re at our destination, eating dinner and making small talk. I exclaim, “I heard the most interesting thing today on the radio!” and I proceeded to recount a news story. Mike quietly replied, “Yeah, I told you that.” “No you didn’t! I heard it on the radio!” “Yes, I did. I read it to you in the car!” “No, you didn’t!” “YES. I did.” 

I lost that argument when we got back to the car and Mike showed me the story in the paper. It was verbatim what I “remembered” hearing on the radio. I don’t know where my listening ears were; seemingly they fell plumb off. 

In my here and now, I’m really interested in prosocial behavior and cultivating empathy. I’ve embarked on a journey to cultivate a self-orientation toward being intentional, and to practice daily rituals that make my and other’s time on this planet more meaningful. Active listening is a big component of that. Psychology Today wrote an article a few years ago saying that active listening can help relationships. Other sources claim that active listening is key to business success. And, perhaps most importantly with regard to kiddos, active listening can help improve communication between parents and children. 

Back in the winter, when my daughter was 3 years old, she declared one day that she was no longer going to suck her thumb. My hubby and I supported that decision, and she flat-out didn’t suck her thumb any more. We charted her success, and after 8 weeks of thumb-free time, I took her to a store and let her pick out a toy as a reward. But despite her success, she’s recently started backsliding into her thumb sucking habit again. I’ve talked to her about stopping, and she says it’s hard. I told her that changing habits can be a really difficult thing, and that even grown-ups have a hard time changing their behavior (as a person who has sworn off sweets, French fries, and Diet Coke a million gazillion times, I can most definitely relate to her struggle). 

The kiddo and I were talking in the car this morning, and I asked her if it would help her stop sucking her thumb if I tried to work on a behavior that I need to change as well. I thought that if we tried to do something together, we may both be more successful. She said that it would, so I asked her what one thing she thought I should change. She said “Yelling.” I won’t lie – that stung a little. I don’t think I yell very much, but maybe in her eyes, I do. And her perspective is what matters here. And so while I already had it on my to-do list today to write a post about active listening, the importance of that has really hit home for me now. I need to commit to listening more often, and to raising my voice less.  Truth told, active listening is easier said than done, and I’m still not particularly good at it. 

I have a lot of room for improvement, but I know I can be a better listener. When I feel the urge to yell, I know I can take a deep breath and focus on what my child is really trying to tell me through the whining. I know I can put down the smart phone, power down the iPad, and step out of the routines that dull my senses. And even if I can’t do these things, at the very least I know I can try. 

I’m not sure it’s healthy or even possible to actively listen 100% of the time, but each moment that we do is a good step forward. Each time I truly hear my child so that she feels affirmed is a good thing. Each time I hear Mike so that he feels like an equal partner in our marriage is a good thing. Each time I hear my colleague so that she feels proud of her contributions is a good thing. Yeah, sure, sometimes I’ll be stuck in a Facebook scroll and I won’t listen. I apologize in advance for that. The good thing about “room for improvement,” though, is that I can only get better. That’s a future worth listening to. 

Bio: Alysia blogs at Good & Gracious Co. Her goal is to build a community of awesome folks who think a good time is helping themselves and others. You can read more about Alysia over on her Good & Gracious Co. bio page.

Kids: The Owner's Manual is Missing

As a mom, I am perpetually confused.

• Why must kids be dragged out of bed Monday through Friday, yet the same kids jump out of bed wild and raring to go on Saturdays and Sundays?
• How can a child decide that he doesn't like peanut butter all of a sudden even though he's been requesting it daily for 6 months?
• I can look a child in the yes and ask {twice} if clothes are picked out for the next day, and then in the morning be told there are no clean underpants. What?!
• Some days a child will begging for me to get him dressed and some days he screams at me when I try to help him because "I can dooooooooo it!"
• If I pick up the kids early from after care, they cry because they "aren't finished playing," but if I pick them up late they get mad because they had to wait so long.
• Remembering lunch boxes, musical instruments, signed paperwork, and pairs of mitten is evidently too taxing on the brain; but the same children can remember a reward I casually mentioned three weeks ago.

I have a degree in Psychology and an endorsement in Education. I have taught and worked with children for 15 years and been a mother for 11. And I still just don't get it! I am trying to be a good mom. I try to be consistent in what I do and how I react. I want to nurture a feeling of security in my kids and to let them know I am always there for them. But to be honest, I'm just confused. I don't know which days to plan early morning fun and which days to try and sleep in. I don't know what groceries to buy or which laundry to triage to the next load. I don't know when to offer help or when to step back. I don't know when to arrive early or when to let them stay late.

I feel guilty when I make the wrong call, but then I feel silly because there's just no way to predict these moods. My brain is exhausted from trying to stave off the inevitable meltdowns and tantrums. And there are days that it breaks me. There has been some begging for attention at my house. I recognize it quite readily, but I can't always remedy it as immediately. I left work right on time on Monday and decided to alter my pick up routine to pick up someone first and get in some extra hugs and snuggles. Instead, I arrived to tears and "I'm not ready yet!" So I turned around defeated and felt my own tears coming as I walked to the van.

I just can't get it right and I hate feeling so out of sync and confused. I want to be able to offer the comfort that is needed, while also allowing the freedoms that are craved. I keep looking for an answer and resigning myself to the fact that maybe there isn't one. Maybe we just have to take it one day at a time and make what we think is the right choice and deal with the consequences. And maybe tomorrow I'll guess correctly and we'll have smiles instead of tears for a while.

Is there an owner's manual I forgot to read somewhere?

I'm linking up today with Lisa's One Word Challenge. The word choices were tomorrow, guilty, and confused. This week I fit them all in!  Did you find them?

Milestones No One Tells You About

I've been searching through my draft folder and trying to finish up some things that have been sitting there for a while. I had this thought back at the beginning of March and jotted down some ideas, but then life got really crazy and I never finished. Just the other day, I had another one to add and so I decided I should finally finish this one and get it out there.

When you are preparing for parenthood there are lots of books to read and websites to check on so that you can get yourself ready. There are lists of things you need, lists of things you don't need, lists of questions to ask your doctor about, and lists of things to not panic over. Then you find the charts and the graphics all describing baby's first year.  We tear up over thoughts about first steps, first words, and even first dates.

These, however, are not on any of those lists. These are the milestones no one tells you about!

•  The first time you have to look twice to figure out if it's your underwear or your daughter's. You might get confused between your husband's and your son's. I like to joke that because of kid sizing, Frances wears a larger size than I do. She doesn't seem to think it's funny!
• The first time they ask you a word to spell and you're not sure of the answer (rebellion).  I'm a pretty good speller. I'm even a pretty good oral speller. I was runner up in a spelling bee once!  But Frances has now reached the point in her reading and writing that I can't always spell the word she needs without writing it down or even typing it out to see the spell check!
• As a corollary,  we have also reached the end of my history knowledge, so when Frances has a clarifying question about a Civil War battle or a famous historical figure, she either has to ask Ken, or we have to look it up together.
• When your kid walks up the steps with alternating feet instead of two feet on each step. Benjamin does this most mornings on our daily trek up two flights of stairs to his preschool class. It took me a while to figure out what was different about his walk and then one day I noticed he wasn't doing the stutter-step as often. 
• When they can read without talking and/or moving their lips.  Frances and Henry both love to read. The difference is that I don't always know what Frances is reading about.  She can read in her head. Henry still reads out loud and sounds out some of the words (which is totally normal because he's just finishing 1st grade!)
• When they stop announcing that they are going to the bathroom. Have you seen The Shawshank Redemption?  It's one of my favorite movies. It's set in a high security prison and follows the friendship formed between two inmates in particular.  One of them, played by Morgan Freeman, is released on parole after about 20 years behind bars. He gets a job as a bagger at a grocery store. In one scene near the end, he raises his hand and asks his supervisor for permission to go to the bathroom.  The guy mentions that he doesn't need to ask, he can just go, but Freeman's character comments that after 20 years of asking permission to pee, he can't actually go unless someone says so. That's a long round-about way of pointing out that Frances has finally stopped asking permission to go to the bathroom at home.  Henry usually doesn't ask, but Benjamin almost always does.  In fact, he asks to go and then, if we're lucky, we get a play-by-play from the bathroom!!

How about you? Any surprising milestones in your house lately?

And a shout out to my buddy Angela, who had this same idea a while ago. Great minds think alike, huh?!

House Rules...Lieber Style!

Have you guys heard of Pinterest? Haha! Of course you have! Think of all the world's problems that could have been solved last year if we hadn't all be so engrossed in pictures of themed birthday parties, new fabulous workouts, and funny collections of e-cards and Ryan Gosling memes. Not that there's anything wrong with those things (especially Ryan Gosling memes). I enjoy Pinterest just as much as the rest of you. OK, slightly less but just because I am trying to figure out Instagram and also because Pinterest scares me a little bit. Everything there just seems so Pinterest-y! You know? So perfect! And we all know I'm not perfect. Very, very far from it!

 

One thing I've seen making the rounds of Pinterest lately are all these "house rules" signs. I know you've seen them! I'm going to guess that at least 30 of you reading this have one in your house. My friend Julie has two!! And she even sent me pictures of them, so I could write this post:

Please don't misunderstand me. I think these signs are really cute. I even aspire to being able to enforce those rules one day in my own house. It's just that, for now, I'm setting my standards a little lower. I made my own sign for my family, with rules that we actually go by in our house.

Shall I explain?

• Without fail, whenever we get home from the store and start to put away groceries, Frances has to go to the bathroom. And then right as we are finishing, she comes back. This trait is hereditary and if I can get my mom or dad to comment here they will tell you that my brother Alan did this all the time growing up!!
• The boys, especially, like mixing two (or three) different cereals together. It's a battle that I don't feel like fighting in the morning, and actually it's probably a good thing, because they usually mix something sugary (Cinnamon Toast Crunch) with something non-sugary (Cheerios or "Crispy Hexagons" since we buy the generics of some cereals).
• I learned the sweater thing from my dad. Or maybe Calvin's (of Calvin & Hobbes) parents. It builds character, right?
• Our cat likes to try to escape. Pair that with kids who were apparently born in a barn, and you will understand why I am constantly yelling for the to keep the cat inside!
• We have two flushing rules in our house. This is one. The other is making sure to flush before company comes over. Otherwise, we conserve water. ;)
• I prefer my kids to clean their plates. I hate wasting food. That being said, I don't put very much on their plates to begin with. As my grandmother always said, "You can always take more, but you can't take less. So I ask the kids to try a bite of everything. Actually, I just ask Benjamin. Frances and Henry eat almost everything I put in front of them.
• This sleeping rule is the hardest rule we are working on. It mostly applies to us parents on Saturday mornings, but occasionally a child will sleep in, or even nap, and they have the right to sleep if they want to.
• I probably don't need to explain the iPad sharing, do I?
• This one was suggested to me by our babysitter. One evening when I was out, she gave the boys a bath and got after Henry because he was trying to use my shaving cream to wash himself. She thought he was trying to pull one over on her. Now she knows that they are allowed to soap up with it and rinse off. Mainly because it's fun, but also because they get clean that way.
• The last one is another that doesn't need explaining, RIGHT!?!

Do you have any quirky house rules in your house? It's okay to share them in the comments!

 

Linking up with:

 

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Kids' Character Challenge

Back in December, while the kids and I were on break, we started to get a little bit...tired of each other. The weather was bad and we spent a lot of time stuck in the house together. I was starting to pull my hair out for a way for everyone to get their moods back on track. Then I had an idea! I tried it out and it actually helped, so I tweaked it a little bit and tried it again the next month. Now were are on our fourth month and I think it's time to share.

The Kids' Character Challenge

The idea started out rather simply. I wanted the kids to be more helpful, so I made it a challenge. I told them that each time they were helpful to me or their dad or each other, I would give them a "helper point." At the end of the month, the child with the most helper points would get to choose a special prize for the family. I took a piece of paper, divided it into thirds, and wrote the kids' names at the tops of the columns. I pinned it up in the living room and started adding hashmarks each time someone was helpful.

One important detail that I found to be helpful was to be very mindful of my language in regards to the chart. Each time someone did something helpful, I would say, "Thank you. That was very helpful. I'm going to give you a helper point." Seeing one of their siblings receive helper points would often spur the others to try harder.
At the end of December, Frances was the winner! She chose a trip to Sweet Frog, a local frozen yogurt shop. As we loaded into the van, I made a point to talk with the kids about how nice it had been to have them working extra hard to be helpful. I also made the essential point that makes the whole competition worth doing: when each of us work harder to help each other, WE ALL WIN! It wasn't just the person with the most points getting froyo, we all got to go together.
We've continued with the character challenge with different ttraits each month. So far we've done kindness, generosity, and responsibility. Henry won the last two months and chose a swimming trip and a ice cream run to McDonald's. It was really fun going swimming in January (at an indoor pool, of course)! It was nice to be able to spend that time together all while congratulating Henry on a job well done.

They are working on being responsible this month. I've taken to defining the character trait on our chart so the kids know exactly what they are working on. The kids enjoy competing for the honor of choosing the reward, but they also enjoy celebrating together as a family and praising each other for working hard.
As you can see from the pictures, Ben has been behind all three months. He's only three, so maybe he's less ready to internalize the traits we are working on, but he still enjoys earning points, and as I pointed out earlier, we all win when we work together.

One of my favorite parts about this game is the simplicity. It is not complicated to keep track of and the rules don't need to be repeated daily. In all honesty, I can forget about encouraging them for a day or two and there are no ill effects. They often ask if a certain behavior will earn them a point, which reminds me about it and I am happy to reward a point if it has been earned.
I'm not sure which character trait we'll work on next month. I've been looking back on their most recent behavior issues and choosing a new trait that will challenge them just enough. We've even talked together about which trait they would like to work on. This family challenge is making all five of us more mindful of the people we want to be and the traits we want to espouse.
Do you have a way to work on character building with your children? What works for you?

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Do As I Say; Not As I Do

I remember my mom saying, "Do as I say, not as I do." a lot when I was a kid.  I don't remember what she was referring to.  I think most of the time it was silly stuff; but she did smoke when we were kids and we called her on it.  Thankfully both of my parents have quit smoking and I am really proud of them for it! 

I don't think I've really ever said those words to my kids.  Probably because they've never called me on my hypocrisy.  But I see it; and I comment to myself each time I do it.  I hope my kids don't learn all my bad habits!

I've recently posted about things I should say more often as well as things I should say less often.  These are the things that I say to my kids that I should actually be saying to myself!

1. "If you trip over it, maybe you should pick it up and put it away!"
2. "You are tired! Go to bed!"
3. "If you get something out, put it away!"
4. "Pick out your clothes tonight, so you won't be rushed in the morning!"
5. "When the alarm goes off that means it's time to get out of bed!"
6. "I need you to pick what's most important and prioritize!"
7. "Get out of the shower, you're using all the hot water!"
8. "If you put your shoes in your shoe basket, you won't have to hunt for them every morning!"
9. "Get off the iPad!" / "Turn off the TV!" "Your brain will leak out your ears if you watch that all day!"
10. "Stop yelling!!"  (Yes, I see the complete irony!)

 I am completely guilty of getting after my kids for habits they probably learned from me.  Do you say things to your kids that you should be saying to yourself?

#TuesdayTen: Things I Should Say More Often in My House {LinkUp}

It's Tuesday and the weather is sub-freezing AGAIN!!  The good news is that's it's time for another linkup!!

Are you familiar with Kid President?  He's such a awesome kid and he truly believes that people can work together to make the world a better place.  He made a video listing 20 Things We Should Say More Often.


His list is awesome, so this week Lisa and I decided to feature it and make our own lists of things we should say more often.

1. I Love You--I say it a lot, but really, does it get old?  Can you say it too often?
2. Yes--I try really hard to pick my battles.  But I still think I say "no" too automatically.  I want to work on saying "yes" more often because I know that if I get tired of how often I say "no" they must get tired of hearing it.
3. You did a good job!  Everyone likes to hear that they've done something well.  And my kids do lots of things well. As a matter of fact, so does my husband. But I don't think I tell them that often enough.
4. Let's go eat ice cream!  I probably don't need to explain this, do I?
5. Let's go outside/for a walk/to the park. I'm a homebody. The corner cushion of my couch has a dent the exact shape of my rear end.  I still really hate cold weather, but we do need to get out of the house more often.  And not for a trip to the grocery store!!
6. You're a good brother/sister/husband/dad. Again, this one is self-explanatory.  I was struck by the kindness of Henry's behavior the other night after I had complimented him.  I "caught him being good" and he went out of his way to keep acting nicely. It makes me want to do that more often!  What a nice circle!!
7. Please/Thank you/You're welcome Again, I'm not always the best manners-model.  I get in a hurry or get in the middle of too many things and I forget to use my manners.
8. I'll get right on that.  I have a bad habit of saying "just a second" or "in a minute" when instead I should just get up and take care of whatever needs to be done.  It is especially obvious to me when I hear my kids respond to me with "in a minute."  I should be setting a better example!
9. A Prayer--What situation couldn't be improved with a little prayer?  I imagine things would go much more smoothly for me if I took just a second for a deep breath and a prayer.
10. (silence) There are lots of times that I should remember to just keep my mouth shut and not say anything at all!!


What about you?  What do you need to say more often??

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Come link up again next Tuesday, February 4th when the topic will be Ten Super Powers You'd Like to Have!

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I Hope You Mess Up Big Time or Why Failure is Good For You

Today is the day!  All the students come back to campus and the spring semester begins.  I, of course, worked last week also, but it was fairly quiet with not a lot to do.  This week we jump right back into the swing of things.  And for the most part, I prefer it that way.  There's more to do with the students back.  And I love my student workers!  We hire the best on campus and they are great to work with!

I have been a bit of a mentor to some of these students as they have come through for their (too few) semesters with us.  I have truly enjoyed getting to know them and being able to hear about their lives.  They have babysat for my kids and used them to practice giving their educational assessments.  In return they have asked me for advice as a mother and wife.  Let me make it clear though: I am not old enough to BE their mother!! :) Just wanted to get that out of the way.

My Twitter handle came from one of my former (sniff!) students who started called me Mama Rab.  I have been asked about how to cook a roast, how to get a stain out, where to get a good deal.  I have loaned out my vehicle, read over lesson plans and lovingly submitted glowing references.  I love these kids!!

So when one of them (she knows I'm going to write this) asked me a question about a lesson plan, and indicated that she was really worried she would mess it up, she was a little shocked with my response.

"Honestly.  I hope you do mess it up!"

I promise, I said it and meant it with all the love in my heart!  And I did go on to explain, though maybe not in these exact words: Go out and try something.  Make a mistake.  Look at what happened. Analyze what you did and how it when wrong.  Then pick up and do it again better the next time.

I mentioned on Friday that I had recently messed up at work.  It was not the end of the world and no one was ever mad at me.  And now I know better and will (hopefully) not make that mistake again. There have been a few other times here that I have messed up.  One of them that comes to mind was actually a much bigger mistake.  The kind where I (and of course everyone else) get emails that say, "If this happens again, you will lose your _________ privileges." Yikes!!  Don't want that to happen!! I actually had to go sit down with my boss and go over how I had messed up and ask for his help in fixing it.  And his reaction?  "So what did you learn here?"  No yelling, no shame, none of that!

I know that everyone is not fortunate enough to work in such an environment.  I am also not wishing BIG/ life altering mistakes on anyone, but I truly believe that everyone should mess up a few times, just to see how it works.

In the case of the student I was speaking with, she was afraid of bombing a big lesson in front of her class.  Her fear seemed to make her want to play it safe in everything she taught.  Her fear was "what if it doesn't work?"  My response to that is "What if?"  What is the very worst that could happen?  It might be embarrassing. The kids might laugh. The supervisor or principal might think you are a little bit off.

The next step is the most important though.  What do you do immediately after a failure?  Do you hide? Try to cover it up? Pretend it never happened? Those options won't get you anywhere and might, in fact, get you in more trouble that you would have been.

The thing to do when you've messed up is to own up to it and come up with a plan to fix it.  If your lesson plan bombed, tell the students that your experiment didn't work or your examples weren't right.  Tell the students how you messed up and how you intend to fix it and in the end you will have taught them twice!

It's the same in the parenting world.  Frances often comes to me to ask, "what if..." She gets mad when I turn the question right back on her.   Sometimes she'll be in the middle of a project and ask me if she should "do it this way or go that way."  So I tell her to pick one and try it. She gets frustrated because I won't give her the answer, but I know that letting her figure it out and fix her own mistake, if necessary, will teach her more than me just giving her the answers.

In the end I think mistakes are good learning tools.  I hope that my kids do mess up and I hope they learn from their mistakes.  I hope that I am always patient and understanding enough to support them in their decisions and to help them re-evaluate and start over when necessary.

 

Have you even messed up? Did you learn something valuable from the experience?

A Vocabulary Lesson Gone Wrong

One of my jobs as a mother is to ensure that my children grow up to be intelligent people.  That's one reason I introduced the word "bipedal" to my son, Henry.  The other reason is that Henry insists one transversing our living room in a gallop on all fours.  It's loud, it's annoying, and it can sometimes make a mess (it's hard to watch where you are going at that speed with your head down).

Ken and I have tried all manner of getting him to stop. We've pleaded, we've yelled, we've punished, we've bribed, all to no avail. He remembers for a few minutes (or the rest of the trip), but he inevitably goes back to it the next time he needs to go to a different room.

Saturday night as he was galloping to bed, I called him back to me and told him I was going to teach him a new word.  "It's 'bipedal.'  Can you say that?"  He repeated it and then I asked him if he knew what it meant. With great big eyes, he shook his head "no" and waited for me to explain further.

"Bipedal means that an animal gets around on two legs.  Humans are bipedal.  I want you to remember that you need to be bipedal."

And then he burst into tears!

I'll allow that some of the tears were from being tired, but he was genuinely upset that I was asking him to walk on two legs.  I got him to stop crying long enough to get him to explain why he was so upset.

"Mommy, I like to pretend that I'm a dog. And that's how dogs move."

OK, so there's a sensible reason in his head.  He does like to pretend to be a dog.  A dog named Sparky, to be precise.  And Benjamin is frequently a cat named Calvin, but I digress.

I still don't like all the noise and knocking into things.  I also don't like dogs (sorry...I'm a cat person).  So my quick-thinking mommy brain came up with this.

"Can you think of any animals that go around on two legs?"

We thought for a moment.

"Birds?"

"Yes, birds, are bipedal.  Any others?"

He looked at me blankly for a little bit and I could tell he did not want to pretend to be a bird.  He was still mad at me for asking him not to be a dog.  Then I had a brilliant idea!

"What about T-Rex?? He's bipedal, right?  And he's got those dinky little arms out in front."  And then I did my best/worst T-Rex impression and that got all three kids laughing.

Then I made the fatal mistake. I went too far.  I jumped up off the couch, made a silly T-Rex-y sound and started chasing the kids around the living room with my elbows at my waist and my little arms waving around uselessly.  The kids dissolved into giggles and then started chasing each other around the living room doing their own T-Rex impressions.

And then I had to get them into bed. They went (very loudly) and jumped, still giggling, into their beds.  Then (I probably shouldn't mention this) Ken stuck his elbows to his waist, came up behind me and grabbed my rear.  I squealed and then ran after the kids into their room and jumped into the boys' bed while Ken came running after me.

So now I think I have convinced Henry to be bipedal (for a while), but I didn't solve the loud, annoying way he gets around the house. I just replaced it with a louder and more annoying way. Incidentally, that's how he got from the van in to church on Sunday morning.

Such is parenting, though, right?

Five Minute Friday: Fly

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community...

Five minutes on fly...

GO

I put jeans on Benjamin this morning. I was a bit shocked when it let me because it seems like just a few weeks ago that he screamed and threw a hissy fit about any kind of pants that touched his knees.  He was so used to shorts that he just refused to wear pants.  We had to ease into the new wardrobe with long shorts and then sweatpants and finally jeans and khakis.

The surprising thing is how quickly that stage passed.  In retrospect a lot of these childrearing stages seem to fly by.  The ones where I swear they are intentionally trying to drive me insane?  Like earlier this month when Benjamin was resisting getting dressed and then I finally managed to get his shoes on and he decided that he wanted to do it "hisself" and so he took the shoes off, switched feet and then screamed because they wouldn't fit on the WRONG feet!

I was angry that morning.  That was also the morning he got mad at me when we got to daycare because I had "forgotten" to give him a bag of cereal that he had just now, for the first time, asked for.  Please note that he had already eatedn breakfast, and he would sson be eating again at school.

Those times seem so intense at the exact moment that I am going through them.  Then time passes and I realize it wasn't such a big deal in the scheme of things.  The time tends to fly by and I forget how mad I was or how crazy he made me.  Hopefully I don't also forget how much joy he brings.  Those stories, thankfully, seem to stick better in my memory.

STOP

If you Ask a Mom to Bake Brownies

This post may or may not be based on actual events...that happened to someone else...

If you ask a mom to bake brownies, she will gladly accept, because...umm...brownies!

She will turn the oven on to pre-heat and miraculously remember to check inside to see if any pans are drying inside.

She'll put away the pans she washed two weeks ago and forgot about.

While she's putting away the pans, she'll re-stack all the cookie sheets that keep falling over.

Seeing the cookie sheets will remind her that she set out to bake brownies.

She will get the mix out of the cabinet and look for a bowl to mix things in.

While looking for the bowl, she'll realize that it's in the dishwasher.

When she tries to open the dishwasher, she'll notice the groceries she never finished putting away after the last trip to the grocery store.  She'll put those away.

After organizing the cereal and stacking the cans so they don't fall over, she'll remember the brownies and go back to the dishwasher to find a bowl.

As she's opening the dishwasher, she'll step on the wet towel soaking up the leak (and curse the guy who got the address wrong last week and never showed up to look at it).  Seeing the towel will remind her to go run a load of laundry.

She'll gather up the laundry the kids threw in the bathroom and take it downstairs to stick it in the washer.  Of course, that means taking dry clothes out of the dryer and transferring wet ones to the dryer.

She'll take the dry clothes upstairs and sit down on the couch to start folding it.

The *beep beep beep* of the oven will remind her that she preheated it to bake some brownies.

She'll go back to the dishwasher and finally open it to find the bowl.

Once she's got the bowl, she'll mix up the brownies and stick them in the oven.  While the brownies are baking in the oven, she'll go back out to the couch to fold some more laundry.

The incessant beeping of the oven will wake her up and remind her that the brownies are done cooking.

She'll go to the kitchen and grab a glass of milk and cut out a piece of brownie for quality control purposes only.

She'll eat her brownie, drink some milk and fall back asleep folding laundry on the couch.

Five Minute Friday: Truth

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community...

Five minutes on grace...

GO
 
This morning Benjamin opened the window at day care and yelled out to me as I was getting in the van.  Usually he yells goodbye and that he loves me.  This morning he yelled something I couldn't quite understand.  So I yelled, "I love you too!" and kept walking.

Then he yelled again, because apparently this was important. "Mommy?!  What's the name of the lion?"
Me: "The what!?!"
Ben: "Mommy! What's the name of the lion in that movie?!"

{Thinking}

Me: "You mean Aslan?"
Ben: "Yeah! I love you!"

I have no idea what brought that to his mind, but as I was getting in the car I felt a little smug because of all the lions in all the movies, I felt like Aslan was a pretty good one to ask about.  We've been reading the book at night after seeing the movie a few weeks ago.  We've gotten into some good conversations about the differences.

But honestly I was feeling a bit smug because asked about such a classic.  Not The Lion King or some other cartoon-y animal.  He asked about the lion from C.S.Lewis' classic Christian allegory.

The truth is though, I am much more likely to be asked about the cartoon-y stuff. Or eating junk food. Or wearing this pair of underwear again the next day because they're his favorties.

But those conversations happen in our house.  Not across the parking lot where other people might be impressed with what I'm exposing my kids to.

I guess my point is, that after I felt that bit of smugness, I also felt called to tell the truth. I'm not doing this parenting thing perfectly. We watch TV while we eat junk for dinner.  And occasionally the fight over changing underpants just isn't worth it.  The truth is, I'm not doing it all right.  But I'm, not doing it all wrong either.