Recently

Last week was a crazy busy week. I knew that it was going to be, and I had planned for it, but it still hit me hard. Actually, it wasn't the logistics that hit me, it was the "other stuff." I had been so busy focusing on getting kids to different places that I didn't take all the emotional aspects into it.

Let me back up. Frances had her ballet recital this past weekend. That means she also had her rehearsals. She needed to be at two different rehearsals because she was performing twice; once at the afternoon program and once at the evening program. In making sure she was ready for her rehearsals, I noted that I had no idea where my makeup bag was. I threw it in a box at some point during the move and haven't come across it yet. I'm in no hurry; I don't typically wear makeup anyway. In the past Frances has always borrowed mine for her dance recitals, but this year I figured I might as well just buy her her own.

We stopped by CVS after I got off work. We picked out a makeup pouch (because I've got enough mom experience to know that when you buy something, you have to know how it will be stored also) and started looking at different makeup stuff. This was a teachable moment for her and we had a good discussion about why people wear makeup and how to care for your makeup as well as your face after wearing it.

I tried to impart my (painfully lacking) makeup tips to her and we ended up picking out a palette with eye color, cheek color, lip gloss, and lip stick. We also picked out some eye liner and mascara separately, since those are recommended for the recital. As we were standing in the aisle, one of the pharmacy techs walked by. She grinned at me after over hearing part of our conversation, and shook her head. I made the comment, "You know you've filled her prescriptions since she was a baby, right?" Her eyes got big and she shook her head again and laughed. In that moment I was looking at my beautiful teenaged daughter, and seeing a baby with an ear infection at the same time.

The next afternoon I had to drop her off at her rehearsal. I wasn't able to stay with her because I still had to pick up the boys and get them dinner. Way back when she first started dance, I couldn't make the rehearsals either. My mom used to come up and take her, while I worked and then took care of the boys. This year, she vaguely mentioned that she couldn't come up because she had something else going on. I told her it wasn't a big deal because she was old enough to be there by herself.

We walked into the auditorium and headed for the bathroom so she could change. On the way, we saw lots of adorable little kids in tutus and other costumes. Frances pulled up tight to me and grabbed my arm. "They're so cu-u-u-u-u-te!" she squealed. In that moment I was looking at my sweet girl, who applied her own makeup in the car, and seeing seeing a toddler in a tutu at the same time.

She performed two dances in the Saturday recitals. We watched, proudly, from the audience and presented her with flowers afterwards. It was sweet to hear her brothers tell her how pretty she was and how well she danced.

We drove past the Rec Center yesterday and got into a conversation about the recital. She had seen most of the dances during her rehearsals, so I confirmed with her that she had seen the last one. It was a powerful piece that really hit me emotionally. It actually made me cry during the show and I couldn't really describe why. It was hauntingly beautiful and the choreography was just amazing.

In trying to talk about it with her, she said, "It just kinda makes me sad, but happy all at once. You know what I mean?"

Yes my dear one, I do. I know that feeling all too well lately.