Beauty or Blahs: Which do you Choose?

Ugh!

I'm tired. I did not sleep well last night. I was up twice; once for the bathroom and once to re-cover a cold child. I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning.

Also? We have a dead fish. The kids didn't notice (They think he's hiding in the Dumdum head) so I am going to attempt my first fish swap on my lunch break.

RIP Little Cutie (He's one of the tiger barbs at the base of the plants. I can't tell them apart and I hope the kids can't either!

And These Are The Things I Need to Stop Saying So Often...

I've had pieces of this post in the back of my head for a while.  I had jotted down a note about some phrases I want to stop saying. Then when Lisa suggested the topic for this weeks' #TuesdayTen about things we should say more often, I figured I might as well get these other thoughts out of my brain too.

First, I'm big on perspective.  I believe that your perspective can easily change your outlook on a day, a situation or a person.  My mom always used to tell me that I should look my best on days when I don't feel well.  There's something a little bit "fake it til ya make it" about that. And for me it works. 

I feel the same way about the language I use and the way I choose to respond to things.  Lately, these three phrases have been really getting to me and I'd like to stop saying them.

1. Just 
Not in terms of justice, but justification. "I'm just a mom."  "She just works in a factory." "He's just a kid." It makes it sound as if those things aren't important.  But they are. There is nothing insignificant about being a mom, or working in a factory or being a kid.  If that's where you are in life, then own it. And don't just be a mom. Be an awesome mom.  Give it your all.  Don't just work in that factory.  Take a moment to recognize the importance of those widgets you are helping to create.  Don't think that just a kid can't make an impact on the world, because they can. And just because he's a kid, does not mean that he has free access to act like a jerk, either!

2. Have to
I have a job outside the home.  It is required for the financial stability of my family.  Currently, I love my job and there aren't many days that I dread going in to work.  But I notice the attitude shift in myself and in my kids when I say (however innocently) "I have to go to work."  Something about phrasing it that way makes it sound like I don't really want to go.  Same thing with the kids. They love school! They have great teachers and lots of friends and they love learning.  They are exciting about the fact that they get to go to school every day.  So, while it is true that I have to go to work, I want to stop making my job sound like a chore I'd rather avoid. I'd like my kids to see me take pride and enjoyment in my employment, so that some day they will do the same. And maybe when I ask them to do their chores, they might learn to take some pride in them instead of whining, "Do I have to?"

3. Can't
When I was younger and I remember asking my grandmother, "Can I go to the bathroom?"  Her response was: "I don't know. Can you?"  What she meant was that my ability to go to the bathroom was not up to her.  However, if I needed permission to leave the table, the question I should have asked was, "May I go to the bathroom." In the same way, there are lots of times that I use the word "can't" to describe things I don't want to do.  As in, "I can't get you any cereal now because I am too busy sitting on the couch checking my email."  That's a lie. I have the ability to procure a bowl of cereal for my hungry son.  I am choosing not to because I am being lazy.  I'd like to try to work on separating my abilities from my proclivities.  In other words, I need to stop being lazy and get the poor kid some cereal!!

Do you have any overused phrases in your vocabulary that you'd like to nix?

Familiarity Breeds a Mess

I cleaned the dining room the other day. I'll pause a moment to let you pick up your jaw off the floor. It was the day after I worked on the living room. Sorry, I should have warned you that time. I actually cleaned the kitchen last night, too. OK, I'm done now!

This is a HORRIBLE picture, but look at my counter tops!

It was funny when the kids got home from school.  Henry looked in the dining room and said, "This isn't even our house!"  It made me feel like I had actually accomplished something. It also made me sad because the house shouldn't look so different just from me picking up the toys, or putting things away.

In truth, though, it does look pretty different. Don't get me wrong, it is far from immaculate, but I'm working on it. One of the things I am forcing myself to do it to spend 30 minutes on a different room every day. It is a reasonable amount of time that I can usually find on any given day. It's also enough time to get a decent amount of cleaning done; the kind of cleaning that makes a noticeable difference.  And that noticeable difference is my motivation to keep going.

My biggest problem is that I think I've gotten used to the house looking messy. When I worked on the living room the other day, I put away two suitcases that had sat in front of the TV cabinet for at least a month. I had ceased to notice them and they just because part of the decor. (If anything in my living room can be considered decor). They were from a week my kids spent at my parent's house. I had unpacked them made the kids unpack them, but after that they just sat empty in the living room.

It got me thinking about how much in my life becomes background.  There are lots of things that I take for granted.  I don't notice the ten times that Ken does the dishes, but the one time he doesn't, I sure do!  I often find myself focused on the one time the kids say something rude to me and I forget about the other wonderful things they say.

My life tends to get into a rut.  I go through the routines on auto-pilot and I only notice the occurrences that are outliers.  This three-day cleaning spree has reminded me that I really need to focus more on my surroundings.  I need to force myself to pay attention.  Because if I can overlook two suitcases for a month, what else am I missing?

5 Things that Made Me Happy This Week

If you've been reading here this week, you already know that it's been a rough one.  Here are five things that made me happy this week:

1. New staples arrived!  When I had checked on office supplies last week, I saw a whole bunch of boxes of staples. Turns out they were the wrong size and we ended up running out.  Some of the students were upset because their free staples were not available.  I ordered them Monday afternoon, but didn't reach the free shipping threshold, so the company put it on hold.  I re-ordered on Tuesday and they showed up yesterday.  I seriously did a little happy dance with the boxes of staples.  Lame, I know.
2. Eating dinner with the most interesting man in the world!  When Ken and I first met, I think we were both attracted to each other because of our similar sense of humor.  As life has moved on, things have changed and we don't always laugh together as much.  But last night we took the family out for dinner. We ended up at a table in the corner and there was the Dos Equis guy on a stand up, right behind our table.  When the waitress came to the table, Ken ordered a Dos Equis and laughed about it.  "I am the most interesting man in the world," he said!  We had a really good laugh at that one and I was reminded how much fun we can have together!
   
3. Meeting new people!  One of the reasons I have been stressed out is that I have been doing interviews the past two weeks to fill student positions here at work.   But in some ways, it is also fun. I enjoy meeting new people and talking with them.  I get excited about new faces coming to join our team (even at the same time that I am sad about people who are graduating).
4. Frances got invited to a neighborhood birthday party! I have posted before about the lack of good friend choices in our neighborhood.  Then on Sunday a friend from Frances' class came over to play from down the street.  They had such a great time imagining about fairy circles. Then on Tuesday we found a birthday invitation from this girl in our mailbox. Now, not only is there a friend in the neighborhood, she is a friend with parents that I could get to know.  (Most of the parents in our neighborhood, while perfectly good and nice people, often speak little to no English, so making friends with them is difficult for me.)
5. All the love and encouragement I got from people after my posts this week!  It is so encouraging to me when people reach out to help each other through a tough time.  I got lots of real and virtual hugs yesterday and they just made my day!

What has made you happy this week?

It's All About Perspective

I had a pretty rotten day yesterday. The kids were tired and cranky from their first week of school. Ken worked all day Saturday, so I was alone with them all day.  They woke up Sunday morning screaming at each other and fighting and it never did get much better.  Amidst the squabbling over toys, I managed to hear one piece of the homily and Fr. Joe asked the question, "Do I come to Mass to feel holy or do I feel holy because I come to Mass?"  I was definitely sitting there *trying* to feel holy.
I was stressed and getting grumpier on my way out to the van. Ken had to work on Sunday too, so I knew I was slated to go to the grocery store alone with the kids and then spend the day moderating their fights.
As we were walking out to our van, I saw another family climbing into the van.  The Mom and Dad were behind me, but they have a new van with automatic doors, so the kids were all scrambling into their seats already. I grumbled to myself, "I wish *I* had a van with automatic doors."
I kept walking and another van pulled out of a space in front of us. This one had several large dings in the side and was completely missing two windows.  Suddenly my van didn't seem so bad anymore.
The kids listened pretty well in the store. They stayed with the cart and didn't yell at each other. They ate their lunch peacefully and then all three went to take naps. (This may or may not have been due to the evil stink eye I was sending their way...) They did fight for the afternoon, but I dealt with it.  I also got a nice email from Henry's school librarian telling me how nice it was to have him in her class.
All in all, it was a good day to think about perspective.